We will all face a time in our lives when we'll need to let go of something or someone when we really don't want to. When the thought of letting go is so painful that we'd rather hold on to a situation that might be equally painful just so we to deal with it. Whether it's a break-up, a death, a loss of a job, friendship or whatever, the process of letting go is, if you've never done it before, an extraordinary journey one that can be both difficult and rewarding.
I recently met with a client who was struggling to walk away from a long term relationship she was in. During many of our sessions, she shared how she wished, with all her might, that things could be different. How in the lack of any evidence, she had long hoped things would change. Time and time again, they would break up and get back together. She couldn't seem to let go. When we are unable to accept, we fight what is. We may wish something was different and try to force it to turn out the way we want it to be. We may try to change someone else to make him or her act the way we want them to. My client was waiting for her partner to change, not realizing she had the power to do that herself.
"If you want something you have never had, you must be willing to do something you have never done." ~Thomas Jefferson
By holding on to things and people that no longer serve us, we're likely to continue to get more of the same hurt and disappointment we already experienced. Victory isn't in getting someone else to change. The real triumph is in the courage and ability to change our own minds. There's a moment when you realize you don't want to stay in the current situation, you don't want to experience the likely pain associated with making a change, but the time has come for a firm decision. It's time to consider the cost to continue to hope in the lack of any evidence. It's time to consider the opportunity to have a different outcome by doing something you've never done before. When I was a young girl, my mom told me that the secret to all of life's answers could be found in a simple Serenity Prayer.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
Awareness is the birthplace for change. We can't change what we can't acknowledge. When you are aware, you begin to understand the difference between what is true and the actual Truth. The truth is the story we tell ourselves and is almost always only true for us. The Truth is indisputable. If what we think defines how we feel and if how we feel drives our outcome, understanding the anatomy of our thoughts is a critical first step to any real, sustainable change.
Acceptance allows us to clearly see "what is" and "what was." Embracing where you are now helps you to recognize the impact your past is having on you now. All of your experiences have affected the way you live your life, the way you make decisions, the way you relate to the world, and the way you see yourself. It's what may you - you!
Courage can be a tricky thing when you're dealing with a deep-rooted issue. I tell my children all the time. When someone has courage, it doesn't mean they aren't scared too. It's not an either-or proposition. On the contrary, I can't remember a time when I was courageous, and I wasn't scared - sometimes even terrified. Also, intellectually understanding what you need to do is often in direct conflict with your emotional ability to execute said plan. The key is to act as if.
So how do we let go when we don't want to? At some point, letting go becomes an act of self-love. The benefit of letting go and accepting is we will no longer perpetuate our own pain. It's the kindness we need to show yourselves to begin to change our current situation and heal. From there, we can move on and live the life we were meant to live.
Letting go will require some focus and a deep desire to get to the Truth whether that Truth is good, bad, or indifferent. You should know, it's unlikely to be easy, but the rewards have the power to change the very fabric of who you are.
Let go of the people, circumstances, and things that no longer serve you and live the life you were meant to live!!!