We will all face a time in our lives when we'll need to let go of something or someone when letting go is the opposite of what we want to do. When the thought of letting go is so painful that we'd rather hold on to a situation that might be equally painful so that we don't have to deal with it. Whether it's a break-up, a death, a loss of a job, a friendship, or whatever, letting go can be an extraordinary journey that can be painful and rewarding.
I recently met with a client struggling to walk away from her long-term relationship. During many of our sessions, she shared how she wished things could be different. How, in the lack of any evidence, she had long hoped things would change. Time and time again, they would break up and get back together. She couldn't seem to let go. When we are unable to accept, we fight what is. We may wish something was different and try to force it to turn out the way we want. We may try to change someone else to make them act the way we want them to. My client was waiting for her partner to change, not realizing she had the power to do that herself.
"If you want something you have never had, you must be willing to do something you have never done."
By holding on to things and people who no longer serve us, we're likely to continue getting more of the same hurt and disappointment we already experienced. Victory isn't in getting someone else to change. The real triumph is in the courage and ability to change our own minds. There's a moment when you realize you don't want to stay in the current situation, you don't want to experience the pain likely associated with making the change, but the time has come for a firm decision. It's time to consider the cost of continuing to hope. It's time to consider the opportunity to have a different outcome by doing something you've never done before. When I was a young girl, my mom always said that the answers to all of life's questions could be found inside the Serenity Prayer.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Awareness is the birthplace of change. We can't change what we can't acknowledge. When you are aware, you begin to understand the difference between what is the actual truth. The truth is the story we tell ourselves and is almost always only valid for us. If what we think causes us to feel and how we feel drives our outcome, understanding the anatomy of our thoughts is a critical first step to any real, sustainable change.
Acceptance allows us to see clearly "what is" and "what was." Embracing where you are now will enable you to recognize your past's impact on you now. All of your experiences have affected the way you live your life, the way you make decisions, the way you relate to the world, and the way you see yourself. It's what may you - you!
Courage can be a tricky thing when you're dealing with a deep-rooted issue. I tell my children all the time. When someone has courage, it doesn't mean they aren't scared. It's not an either-or proposition. On the contrary, I can't remember a time when I was courageous, and I wasn't afraid - sometimes even terrified. Also, intellectually understanding what you need to do is often in direct conflict with your emotional ability to execute said plan. The key is to act as if.
So how do we let go when we don't want to? At some point, letting go becomes an act of self-love. The benefit of letting go and accepting is we will no longer perpetuate our own pain. It's the kindness we need to show ourselves to begin to change our current situation and heal. Then, we can move on and live the life we were meant to live.
Letting go will require some focus and a deep desire to get to the truth, whether that truth is good, bad, or indifferent. You should know that it's unlikely to be easy, but the rewards have the power to change the very fabric of who you are.
Let go of the people, circumstances, and things that no longer serve you and live the life you were meant to live!!!
And p.s.: Be Bold - Be Audacious - Be You!